Why all this?

Unlike many, I prefer to stay indoors rather than going out. It is a weird outlook that I find myself sad and lonely again and again, yet somewhat am pleased by the peace and serenity from it. I want to be alone, but I hate being lonely. My ignorance towards the world outside my comfort freedom empowers the blurriness in my judgments and attitudes. A wise lady once proposed to the whole class, “start a journal, turn your thoughts into words.” Later that night, I took her words to heart. And that was when I initiated a personal mind-translation and passed the wisdom to the next soul I met who seek a voice under similar obscure self-imprisonment. Now and then, I was tricked by the undesired and gave away authentic secrets and insecurities. Eventually, I admitted defeat and came to term with a common saying, “enough is never enough.” Journals after journals, my thoughts seem to tremble and contradict the previous ones until recently. It was when my obsessive-compulsive disorders stroked. I began to open myself up and look for ways. Or it may just be an excuse for me to pass the time and train my patience. There, I realised that other people’s opinions also matter. It worth listening. Most important of all, from another perspective, it worth sharing. My life is not half exciting as any world traveller, yet I want to share some inner thoughts that have been creating a substantial barrier between me and the social norms. Never get me wrong, I have no intention of abandoning my precious journaling and feeding on some personal deep dark thoughts. I will only share what I think is comfortable enough to be exposed to others. My deep dark thoughts stay or may be modified if ever posted. Not that anyone would care, but it would still feel great to unleash some insights from my apple-sized heart or melon-sized brain.